"My Stupid Mouth"

Okay, so I know that my posts have been a litte dreary or sad lately. I decided today to post something a little more on the "light side". I have to admit, it's a look into my life, but it is quite amusing...At least I think so.

Okay, so for those who don't know me very well.... I'll give you a little insight into my personality. My husband tells me all the time that I try to hard to be nice...to be funny... He says that people like me, but that I am annoying because I try too hard. Overcompensation, I guess. He says it is the most positive, loving way...I think.

I have been listening to John Mayer's CD, Room for Squares. I know that it is an older CD, but I had not ever had a chance to listen to the entire CD until this week. (Thanks to my local library, I am enjoying this for FREE.)

When I heard the fun and upbeat song, My Stupid Mouth, on the CD, I smiled and laughed outloud. Who knew that John Mayer knew me? He doesn't, but he is telling my story even though we have never met. (Link for the lyrics is above, but to hear a snippet of the song, click here and then click on music, then on "Room for Squares" and click to listen to the song.)

I knew the song was for me when I heard the first few words...
My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again

How many times has that happened to me? How many times have I laid awake at night for hours wondering if I have offended someone, wasn't nice enough, was "overly friendly", wasn't funny, or said too much. Usually, I worry about the first and last of the list the most.

Then, there's more....
I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me
Oh I'm never speaking up again

I don't know how many times I have thought that. I am always afraid of losing a friend and/or making a fool of myself. Then, I get to the point where I tell myself that I will never EVER provide "too much information" again, but I always have one more thing...one more comment...one last remark. My grandmother has always said, "You'll have the last word or DIE." Isn't that the truth? I'm getting better...I hope. (Although, I get it honest. My mother is stubborn and my dad is a rambler...just like me.)

During the song, every time John refers to "I'm never speaking up again", his next line is "Starting Now" or "One more thing." Once again, I guess someone told John Mayer about me.

One more thing...
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Okay, now this is the deep part. It all comes down to the fact that I want to be liked. I don't want to make too many waves, at least in a negative way, and I DEFINITELY do not want to offend anyone. So, now you know me. I may be outspoken and I seem to make friends easily. But INSIDE, I'm wondering... Am I trying too hard? Am I being funny, but not obviously trying to be funny? Do they like me? What do the others in the room think of me?
Am I rambling or saying too much? Then, after I leave the conversation or event, I analyze every comment. Geez, Jen...What did you say that? Why weren't you more witty? Why did you short change yourself and make such dumb comments? Why did you act like a kid? Why are you so boring? You should have said this instead of that! And the list goes on and on.

So the next time that you see me and you say hello, I'll try my best to say something interesting, intelligent, witty, and without rambling. If I fail to meet the requirements that I have set for myself, please forgive me. I am trying. It is something that I have struggled with every day and probably will for the remainder of my life. So just hope that one day I can find the "filter" that John speaks about in his song. I just hope my friends will still love me in the meantime.